Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Barbies Everywhere

Help! I’m being overrun by Barbies. These are candid shots around my granddaughters’ home. They are not posed or arranged. It seems most Barbies are blonds but not all. I spied a fifth one with red hair but I was told that she was not a Barbie but a mermaid who had already metamorphosed into a legged human. Apparently mermaids are like tadpoles. They can grow legs but it requires some sort of stimulus from a prince. Anyway the redhead was not included in this photo shoot since she was not a genuine Barbie. There was another genuine Barbie that I encountered on a glass shelf over the sink. She was nude and seemed to be attempting something improper with the toothpaste tube, but by the time I found my camera she had departed the venue.

For those of you who don’t know, Barbies are dolls of post-pubescent young women with distorted features. They cannot stand on their own because their legs are way too long and thin, and their feet point straight down and are shorter than the distance between their eyes, which are huge and usually, but not always, blue.

By popular demand, Barbies are now being manufactured in variations other than the original blonde vacuous airhead. There are specialties with dark skin and brown eyes. There are also specialties who have good prestigious professions, usually represented by a special set of clothing on the same strangely proportioned nude plastic bodies. My granddaughter recently received a political candidate Barbie. She may have been the one who was stripped naked and doing something weird with the toothpaste tube. That would be typical of a political candidate. The most unusual is the one I call Caesarian Barbie that you can see in one of the photos. She seems to have a giant opening into her abdomen. No one in the family can quite remember her story but it is thought that she was a gift, perhaps not arriving with all her accessories.

Oh, by the way. Whatever happened to Cabbage Patch dolls? They were kinda cute.


Tamara said...

You are correct about the doll with the Caesarian; it's called Pregnant Barbie; evidently the infant has been misplaced and should probably be found fairly soon. If it helps, they also make a "computer engineer" Barbie. No luck on Barbie, P.E., though. Perhaps you can become rich designing her. Also, don't complain too much, stepping on a Barbie hurts MUCH less than a Lego.

Daryl said...

When my mom was spending her final days in a nursing home Barbie helped her.

How? My mom was very sore and the aids would often grab a sore spot when moving or lifting her. I alerted them to the sore areas by marking them in red felt pen on a naked Barbie and hanging her above my mom's bed.

Perhaps they could market a Naked Nurse Barbie and include a red felt pen with each purchase?

Daryl said...

No additional comment.