Naked Girls Reading

Naked Girls Reading! That’s the name of a play my wife and I saw here in Asheville last night. I spied the ad for it and figured it would make an ideal Friday evening outing that both of us could enjoy. Wife has master’s degrees in both drama and librarianship, and I… um… also like reading.

The play was in the old, fashionably seedy, artsy west side of town at a tiny theater squished into an ancient vintage storefront strip. They were selling $1 raffle tickets for an original oil painting door prize. Wife sprang for a ticket then actually inspected the prize (a choice of two very naked female nudes) and commented, “Ick”. I figured then that we’d probably win the door prize.

The play action was exactly what the title said except there was also some singing and celebrity impersonation, e.g. Elvis and Dolly Parton. I enjoyed the performance very much except the venue was not air-conditioned on an uncommonly hot evening in this mountain town. I began to envy the performers who had the privilege of stretching out naked, drinking their ice water.

Oh, I almost forgot! Of course we actually DID win the door prize raffle (a lifetime first). I was about to choose a standing nude who had a cupcake levitating in front of her public parts but wife nixed that one. We got the one you see in the picture above. I think I’m gonna have to get my own man cave before I have a place to hang it.

Buff Nude Woman Rides Tapir

There she is, right in the middle of the urban Caracas arterial, a gigantic statue of a buff nude woman riding a tapir. Well, why not?! This is Venezuela after all. First (for those of you who didn't have Mrs. Mulligan for 9^th grade biology) a tapir is a big animal that looks like a giant pig with rhinoceros toes and a little elephant trunk. Tapirs live here in Venezuela along with nearly every other exotic animal that stepped off Jonah's ark. What's weird is that people normally don't ride them – probably for some good reason.

So who is she, this amazing woman in the statue? My detractors will no doubt suggest that I find something perversely erotically tantalizing about buff nude women riding tapirs. That of course is untrue; I am simply intellectually curious about how this seemingly mythic figure fits into history and weaves into the social fabric of Venezuela. After inquiring about her for nearly two years and getting nothing but shrugs from natives as well as expats, I got the brilliant idea to Google her. She is Maria Leonza, the central figure in a very blended Venezuelan religion sometimes referred to as a cult. The woman herself is supposedly a historic figure born of an important native chief in about 1502. According to legend she was a very buff woman and perhaps a goddess or queen. She was particularly noted for reigning over savage beasts and she liked creepy reptiles too.

Getting back to this religion that Ms. Leonza dominates, it combines indigenous Venezuelan, African slave Santeria (supposedly from the Yoruba of Nigeria), a touch of European spiritism, and Catholicism of course. It's got something for everybody, whether you like forest spirits, animal sacrifice, Jesus, or buff nude women who ride tapirs. It's no surprise that it remains popular. Maybe I'll convert. I think the Catholic part was a later add-on. The local priest missionaries here in the 16^th century didn't always follow the "my way or the highway" dictates of their management back in Rome. If they couldn't convert the natives, they'd at least mess with 'em and try to stuff a little Christianity into their native religion and a few genes into their gene pool. Accordingly they managed to give Ms. Leonza her proper Catholic name of Santa María de la Onza Talavera del Prato de Nívar, which means (I think) Saint Mary of the Jaguar Something Something Something.

Well, anyway, I'm just starting to copy stuff from Wikipedia and some other web articles now so I'll quit. If you find this interesting like me and have time to fritter away, Google it yourself. I have to go to the grocery store now.