I’m in the rehab hospital. No, I’m not a celebrity druggie; I’m an idiot. Here’s the story. I was up on a ladder pressure washing the pilings and girders under our Edisto Island house. Hot day, good fun, bathing suit, barefoot. Almost done when a huge black spider dashed out from a crevice right over my head. I don’t like spiders so I commenced a high-speed emergency descent. When I got to the bottom rung I stepped back off onto the concrete floor. Just one problem! It wasn’t the bottom rung and I stepped off into thin air. Suddenly my frail nearly naked body was speeding toward cruel hard concrete at about 900 miles per hour. Fractured left side humerus and femur near the top of each. Sassy spider looked down at me writhing on floor for ten minutes awaiting rescue. Spouse found me and kindly hosed off dirty floor all around me so things would be tidy for the ambulance guys.
Fast forward 17 days. I now have some metal pins in my femur and am just able to walk on a cane with a spotter. Left arm still strapped tightly to my side. Nice ladies help me go pee and poo. They promise me hellish agony when the time comes to unstrap my arm and start cranking it around. Due for discharge and further outpatient therapy beginning on June 15. Will convalesce at my sister’s house until well enough to travel to Asheville for the rest of the summer. Good news is it’s supposed to heal completely to original strength and I got out of my dreaded trip to Spain.
Fast forward again 58 days from fall. I can drive, walk in almost a normal gait, ascend and descend stairs normally, and scratch my head with my injured arm. Punishing physical therapy and home exercise continue and I continue to slowly improve. No jump rope or pull-ups though. I think I will be as normal as anyone my age eventually.
4 comments:
Oh no! This is terrible! I hope you are feeling better. I also hope that Catherine demands you wear protective padding and a harness for all future chores!
Yeah, I'll get some catcher's shin guards for my shoulders and hips.
Johnny,
Glad to see you didn't break your sense of humor or ability to write succinctly and clearly.
Thanks for the update.
On a positive note, you have a beard so you don't have to shave everyday. (that's the only positive I could come up with).
This too will pass.
Daryl
Daryl sent me a link to your blog.
I, too, fell off a ladder. I was stupider than you. Mine was an A-frame ladder which I did not unfold. I leaned it against a wall. When my feet were about 6 feet off the ground, the ladder slipped out from under me. It hit the ground and I fell on my back on top of it.
I hurt all over. Back of head, shoulders, lower spine, shins.
I jumped up, cursing, I thought I was going to faint, so I just kept myself vertical and paced around the house. The dog stuck with me in that way that dogs do. He was worried. After a while, the dizziness went away and I cleaned and bandaged my various skin breaks. Went to the docs next day. No sprains or bruises, I'm ok. I was hoping to at least get a marijuana card out of it.
There was no black and yellow warning sticker on the ladder depicting what I had done. I'm litigating.
Post a Comment