Monday, April 28, 2008

Caracas Breakfast with Macaws



In the middle of my scrambled eggs and ricotta cheese on the balcony this morning an impressive Blue and Gold Macaw parrot made a close pass. Soon I saw that there were three of them doing aerial maneuvers complete with the obligatory squawking. I was photographically unarmed on the first pass. I fetched my camera and took some pictures but I didn't get another opportunity for such a close shot. Here are three better shots out of dozens of so-so ones. See respectively an overhead pass, a wide shot of one alighted on a new palm tree shoot (Can you find it?), and a fully zoomed and cropped one of the bird on the palm shoot. Click any picture for a larger image. I'll miss these birding breakfasts when I'm back in the USA.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Girl race car driver - Selling it with sex

Have you ever heard of Danica Patrick? For those who don't remember, she's the girl rookie who at 100 pounds and age 23 led in the 2005 Indianapolis 500 race. She raced aggressively and wisely to finish ahead of all but 3 of the testosterone fueled veteran male drivers. I'm not a racing fan but I channel surfed into the race that day and was hooked. As father of a daughter the same age, former coach of a girls' softball team, and a believer in women's abilities to achieve as highly as men where brains and coordination are involved, the drama grabbed me. I was on the edge of my chair rooting for her.

Because I am not particularly a racing fan, Danica was quickly off my mental radar screen after the race. Once in a while I'd hear her name in the sports news as having placed in some position in some race, but that was about it. I never heard of a win… until now! She just appeared on my computer news page for having become, on April 20, the first ever woman to win an Indy car race and she's holding a third place point standing this year in that sport. I felt a little "hooray moment" and quickly Googled my way to her web site to revel in the excitement and see what this woman was all about.

Whoowee! Imagine my shock when the page opened up with a big splash of highly sexualized Bat-woman type whiz bang. The page opens ponderously slowly if you don't have an Indy-speed bandwidth but it links to this page. http://www.indymotorspeedway.com/danica.htm There she is wearing trashy little skimpy outfits and draped sensually all over a yellow '57 Chevy. This certainly doesn't promote my interest in Indy racing. If anything it makes me want…uhh…to have a vintage '57 Chevy. Then it only gets worse with a link to her Sports Illustrated swimsuit photo-shoot where she appears in various stages of squirming out of a racing suit wearing a tiny bikini and not always both parts of it.

Now I don't have anything against nudity or sexuality. In fact, sex is my favorite human interaction. It's just that this business of SELLING IT with sex really puts me off. There's not one chance in a googolplex that Ms. Patrick would blunder into this blog post, but if she did, she might comment "Mind your own business gramps. This is who I am. This is who I want to be. Don't confuse me with Nancy Drew!" Continuing this imaginary conversation I might say, "OK, fair enough. But consider the unique position you are in to inspire the three billion women and girls in the world to believe in and nurture their athletic and intellectual gifts." In 1993, pro basketball bad boy Charles Barkley defended his personal behavior, declaring that sports figures should not be considered role models. I couldn't agree more. But I say to you, Charles and Danica, sports figures ARE considered role models, whether or not they should be or want to be.

Danica, you ARE certainly cute draped over a yellow Chevy quarter panel with your hiney crack peeking out the top of your underpants, but so would be a million other young women. My grandfatherly advice is to save this for your close friends or spouse and keep your public image focused on racing. Women who can't back out of a parking place without having a thousand dollar crash can pose for these kinds of pictures. NO! On second thought, I don't want my wife posing for such pictures either. Well anyway, be careful zooming around out there so fast in your Indy car. I'm still your fan. I want to keep seeing you for a long time…holding trophies while completely zipped up in your racing coveralls!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Bug Paradise

Bug Paradise, a.k.a Casa Maria. Those are two official names of the one superb posada 3.5 hours west of Caracas in Carabobo State where we just spent the weekend with several friends. It hardly seemed paradise for the bugs because the entomologist owner had huge numbers of them crucified in display cases.

(This picture and all the others are tiny in here but you can click to see them bigger.)
Also the numerous ponds on the premises were teeming with fish and frogs that made short work of any mosquito larvae so unfortunate as to hatch there. Ha! YES! Numerous other bugs met a grisly end when (attracted by the light) they sneaked into the screen cage teeming with golden orb-weaver spiders.

The posada as it exists today represents a 16 year labor of love of Bavarian immigrants, Norbert and Gabriele (Gabi) Flauger. Norbert is foremost an entomologist and ecologist but has obvious talents in horticulture and landscape and building architecture. Gabi is business manager, decorator, and master chef. Both are trilingual in Spanish, English, and of course German. Check out their website at www.bugparadise.com. To proceed from the home page, click the language of your choice.

Bug Paradise is not only a native plant horticultural garden but a menagerie of native animals including huge aquaria of salt and fresh water fish, a butterfly house, a sociable free flying Amazon parrot, a cute native possum, an impish Capuchin monkey, and two lethargic boa constrictors. The owners also deploy the right attractants of fruit and seeds to bring many flying visitors of the bird and butterfly sort. It was a paradise for Homo sapiens too. There was a small but picturesque swimming pool amidst orchid wrapped trees and dangling bag-like nests of the Crested Oropendolas. The sleeping rooms and the grounds were all maintained with stereotypical German fastidiousness. The feng shui was right on the mark.

You can hang out in the Garden of Eden premises if you're sedentary but Norbert can take you on naturalist excursions to the cloud forest and other locations on the Caribbean beaches or in the Los Llanos (plains). You can also take walks in the extensive orange groves up the hill behind the posada, enjoy the view, steal oranges, and get lost. We did that Saturday evening. On Sunday we took a lurching ride in the 1957 Unimog pictured at the top to a point higher up in the cloud forests. (No side impact airbags there.) In addition to Norbert, we had a distinguished German botanist guest Winfried (Vinnie) accompanying us.

Vinnie was inspired and inspiring, definitely a botanist worthy of a Gary Larsen caricature. He is cataloging the native species in Venezuela in the cloud forests from about 200 meters to 1000 meters I think he said. Here are some interesting specimens such as the compound Hibiscus and the walking palm tree.

We ended our adventure by going home, which is the way we end all adventures. These last two pictures are at a stop for fruit (mangoes and avocados). A very poor looking mother with a one year old baby came up and asked if I'd like to take her baby's picture. I didn't know what the deal was so I said no. Then I sized her up as truly needy and found a BsF 10 note in my nearly empty wallet. It's hard to know how much that's worth as both the dollar and the Bolivar race toward worthlessness. I think about $2.75. I gave it to her and she was crossing herself and giving me blessings of gratitude till we rode out of sight. It's cheap to feel generous in a poor country.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Name My Species


Can anyone name the species of this bird sitting on the antenna on the building next door to me this morning in Caracas? My Hilty book shows several similar Orioles but they have a different pattern of black on the face and throat.

Updating now on 16April '08: A number of people have suggested the Oriole Blackbird (Gymnomystax mexicanus). He lives here and the marking patterns of these seem to match perfectly.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Dream Vacation on a Budget!



Have you ever been to historic Charleston, SC? Do you like white sand beaches with warm water? Golf, nature walks, safe bike trails, eating? Do you like luxurious accommodations? Are you on a tight budget? Have I ever got a deal for you! Come stay at The Dragonfly on Edisto Island. The Dragonfly is our beach house occupied sporadically by my family but most of the time available to YOU for a vacation accommodation. This is not your moldy old run of the mill beach cabin. The Dragonfly is a modern four year old house with plenty of conveniences and luxuries, four bedrooms, two bathrooms plus a private outdoor bath house (for those frequent beach swims), three televisions, three porches, modern kitchen with dishwasher, big fridge…the works. There are enough beds for ten people plus a baby crib, ceiling fans in all the rooms, and of course four-season climate conditioning. It's all in a setting of beautiful Palmetto, Magnolia, and moss draped Live oak trees.

But, the house is nothing compared to the location. Location location location! It is a one block barefoot & swimsuit walk to public access ocean beach, 600 feet to be exact. If you tire of the quiet relaxing beach bum life, there is plenty of other stuff to do on this 55 square mile historic sea island. You can rent fat tired bicycles and cruise the island. Play golf. Go fishing. There is a huge state park in two parts. One part has a long undeveloped beach for walking and swimming. The other part occupies maritime forest and pristine salt marshes. There's a modern interpretive center in the middle of it in case you are into wildlife and botany. The beaches are a prime nesting ground for Loggerhead sea turtles. In the summer you can sometimes see them hatch. Do you like to kayak? No problemo. Rent one at the small local marina and take a marsh creek tour sometimes accompanied by playful bottlenose dolphins. Do you like to eat? Of course you do. Edisto has several tasty and affordable restaurants, four with bars. Excepting the Sub shop in the BP, none are chains.

Did I mention windsurfing? Winds are often sporty. The water is warm enough for no-wetsuit windsurfing May through September. Here's an April 3 picture.

The island is oozing with natural and human history too. Pleistocene fossils of sharks teeth, and fossilized mammal and reptile bone fragments can be found on the beach. The first humans were Native Americans and their shell mounds and pottery shards are still about. In the heyday of antebellum times it was one of the richest places in the country with magnificent plantations passing through the eras of indigo, rice, and king cotton. Several plantation houses are still standing. You can get a historic tour and learn about the pirate raids, duels, and the civil war upheaval.

So, you're still not convinced. You get claustrophobic on even a large island and you want a city experience. Maybe you're from New York or Caracas and you get spooked by quiet. Not a problem; you're connected to the mainland by a bridge. By Mapquest it's only 46.4 miles to historic Charleston, an easy one hour trip. Drink up the history, wallow in the art galleries, and eat yourself to death in restaurants of this four century old city. Want to take in a bigger chunk of the low-country culture and history. It's an easy day trip to beautiful historic Beaufort and Savannah. Consulting Mapquest again, it's 1 hour 26 minutes to Beaufort and 2 hours exactly to Savannah.

So back to the Dragonfly. How much is it gonna cost to stay there? Check out the rates and you can book it at the property manager's Atwood Vacations site. Be sure to take the virtual tour there. If you are really on a super tight budget, avoid the high rent season of June through mid-August when school is out. If you're flexible about when you can go, you can really get a great deal. For example if you choose a time when school is in session and pick a 5-day stretch of Monday to Friday in a week that already has the weekend booked, just enter a comment after this post. I will make you a really good deal of less than half the listed full week rent. If you're a retired Canuck you might want to chill out (Oops; bad metaphor) warm up there for a couple of mid-winter months when we go away XC skiing in the northwest. Another chance to negotiate a good deal.

I leave you with this scene of a little before dinner volleyball match with our other geezer friends.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

He talks pretty but can he lead?


"He talks pretty but can he lead?" We sure hear that a lot from people who prefer someone other than Obama to be the next president. We're supposed to get real nervous lest he be all fluff and no stuff. Well Hrmph! At the chief executive level it's all about talking pretty. If your own heart is in the right place, you've got your facts down, and you are eloquent, you can win the hearts and minds of others at home and abroad. Add to that the ability to select the right staff to analyze, strategize and implement and you pretty much have the makings of a good president. Senator Obama seems quite capable of hiring the right staff to make his campaign successful.

Coping with Cleavage

Women have breasts. These are the cute little bumps on their chest that nature devised initially to produce food for their infants. Somewhere along the path of evolution they got poofed up a little bigger than they need to be purely for lactation. Evolutionary biologists surmise this is a visual sexual dimorphism feature such as a man's beard. These distinguishing features help us to sense at a very primeval level who to mate with and who to be wary of.

Sometimes evolution runs amuck when competition for mates pushes sexual dimorphism to a ridiculous extreme. This is most evident in birds where you have animals like male peacocks with gorgeous, gigantic, and aerodynamically disastrous tails.

An extreme of dimorphism has not affected the human female breast, which though quite variable, on average only adds a couple pounds of purely decorative body flesh to the dairy tissue. This was completely sufficient for our ancestral female hominids lolling around naked on the African savannah. They needed only to approach their favorite male and say, "Honey (wiggle jiggle) can you go kill a wildebeest or something so little Thaggy and I can have something yummy to eat (wiggle jiggle). Then I'll feel real good and want to make you feel real good too (wiggle jiggle)". Off runs big Thag, 90 miles per hour with his club and spear.

The normal breast size worked pretty well for countless millennia until disaster struck. The ice age came and the shirt was invented. There was a decline in human population long attributed to direct affects of the cold. In fact a decline in fecundity was more likely the cause. "Honey, please go kill something because little Thaggy and I are hungry." Thag replies, "Oog! Go kill your own mastodon…and bring me the liver."

Fortunately the ice ages subsided, shirts disappeared again (at least in tropical climates) and humanity was saved. However a big problem developed in the Middle East Fertile Crescent area. There was a religious myth that the first woman on earth tempted man to disobey God by offering him some forbidden fruits, which he of course slurped up. Somehow as myths do, this story got distorted into the notion that the forbidden fruits were actually the woman's own round and delicious bodily adornments. No less than three major world religions branched off with this perverse myth of original human sin. The shirts stayed on.

With the shirts on, suddenly normal size boobs were not sufficient. They needed to be big enough to bulge through the shirts if Thag was to kill anything. Women with naturally big ones had a reproductive and survival advantage. For the lesser endowed, in order to get Thag off his ass, some modification was necessary. Given enough millennia, evolution would have boosted all women's boobs up several pounds larger but women were impatient. They invented all manner of squeezing corsetry and wads of padding to push their breasts up, exaggerate their apparent size, and make them nearly spill over their shirt tops.

The shirt and corsetry phenomena, though ridiculous, was rather harmless. People reproduced and the world continued to turn until (begin background music theme of movie "Jaws") cosmetic surgeons invented themselves.

Cosmetic surgeons have become a disaster for the female breast, mutilating them and stuffing them with plastic bags of chemicals until they are distorted and stretched to almost bursting. I am an expert on this problem because I live in Venezuela and watch television. Most TV shows in Venezuela are either government propaganda channels that show constant speeches by Chavez and his supporters but quite a few others are private channels with constant programs glorifying or promoting glamour as an essential feature of women.

On my Supercable (pronounced "SOUP'-pear-cobb-lay" and sure to deserve a very special rant from me at another time) channel lineup there is a show about plastic surgery on the English language E! Channel, which also is a channel in the US. It mostly features a steady stream of celebrities and their shenanigans. When you tire of boring CNN International drivel like discussions on whether water-boarding Iraqi suspects is torture, you can turn to E! for the really important stuff. You can peer deep into the lives of people who do not know you exist, nor do they care. You can find out who Brad Pitt is fornicating with, learn how ugly the dress was that Nicole Kidman wore last weekend, hear speculation on why Britney Spears doesn't wear underpants, and watch yet another memorial service for Elvis Presley.

OK back to the E! Channel plastic surgery program. This show is sort of a reality documentary about a couple of plastic surgeons and all the people they rescue from the humiliating horror of being…well… normal. You also get to peer into one plastic surgeon's tortured home life wherein his wife is falling to pieces because her 1600 square foot kitchen "doesn't work" for her. Granted sometimes it's a real touching rescue that happens. Some guy who caught his face on fire in an accident and had to beat it out with his own track shoe gets a nose and a new face and his children no longer cry when they see him. But, most of the time, it's about boobs. Yep boobs. It makes you want to cry. Typically some woman has lost all her self esteem, can't keep a job, her kids don't respect her, and her marriage is falling apart because... You guessed it. Her boobs are too small or they have dropped down a notch because she has experienced the shameful state of having passed 35.

In the typical case study of this educational program you see a first visit to the plastic surgeon who is typically dressed in a purple business suit with lots of grease in his hair. Somehow in spite of the great shame these women feel in their body, they are presumably persuaded by large payments to bare all for science and millions of TV viewers. The plastic surgeon pushes, pulls, and lifts their breasts and tummies and writes purple guidelines on them. In the US they have to put big pixels or blurring clouds over the most t
aboo parts of their bodies but this is either not a legal requirement in Venezuela or is, like most legal requirements, ignored.

After the examination, you see the actual surgery which looks something like cleaning a chicken. The nipple is sliced nearly completely off, a hole is made and the flesh of the breast surface is sliced and burned away from the underlying breast tissue. Then the surgeon stuffs plastic baggies full of salt water or liquid silicone (whatever that is) into the hole like someone stuffing a turkey. Usually it’s a big stretch but they always get it all stuffed in and somehow stitched back together. Several weeks pass during the commercial. Then you get to see how she looks all healed up. Her normal soft jiggly breasts are replaced with tightly bulging stiff mounds that look like more like the nose of a submarine than a breast. They are a bit comical, and seem to fit the name "boob" much better than breast. In truth they look quite unrealistic and unappealing to all except the tearfully joyous patient whose self esteem has been miraculously restored and the ecstatic surgeon whose wife can now have a 2500 square foot kitchen.

In one particularly poignant case study a woman had some issues with her breasts which had already undergone augmentation in the past but were in need of routine renewal. They had migrated to a different shape and different location from where the originals were and where the last modification had relocated them. This was a serious career threatening thing for her because her noble profession was strip club dancer. She and the doc had agreed to 650 milliliter implants. When surgery time came the surgeon went to his closet and could only find 600's and 700's. Tough choice, but she made the right decision. She informed the surgeon to go for 700 and stuff 'em in any way he could. It was truly gruesome to watch but she was so proud of her two projecting submarines when all was over and she was sure to get another five years out of her lucrative career.

In another even more poignant case, there was a beautiful young woman who relied for personal fulfillment and self esteem on competing in beauty contests. Apparently unlike performance enhancing drugs for athletes, fake body alterations are not illegal in beauty contests. She had a perfectly lovely pair of perky little B-cup teacups, nicely sloped down the top, pointy at the tips and gently rounded under the bottom. But, in her opinion and her plastic surgeon savior's…TOO SMALL. When all the slicing and dicing was over, this normal pair was mutilated into two boringly spherical submarine noses that made her look so top h
eavy you thought she might topple over on her head at any moment. To dramatize this (ahem) improvement they kept flashing back and forth between two overlaid before and after images.

OK time for a sidebar on "cosmetic surgeons" the sleaze balls of the medical profession. These guys are all sizzle and no steak. That's what they are. That's what
they want you to believe life is all about. As an example, I offer you a picture below of my neighbor Doctor Bruno's plastic surgery clinic as the patient sees it.

Now, below this paragraph is the true view of the clinic as I see it from my office window. (I see nearly everything from my office window but that must await another rant.) As you can see, it is a dump. People are running out the back door with buckets all the time. My wife and I speculate they are filled with grease from liposuction. We would go down and suggest that they render it into bio-fuel but with gasoline at 14 cents per gallon, maybe it could used to deep fry empanadas.

Now, getting back on topic… All of this breast up-squishing and augmentation leaves Thag wondering what is the proper etiquette when encountering the enhanced display, particularly if obviously recently enlarged. Is this like a new hairdo or new dress, and he is supposed to say, "Wow; nice new knockers! Who's your surgeon?" or should he just look dumb, run out, and kill a wildebeest.

Of all nationalities, Venezuelan women are particularly generous with the bust cleavage. Many are amply to excessively endowed and many others use uplifting lingerie or surgery to create an in-your-face dual spherical display of their endowments. This leaves an old southern boy struggling to react with proper manners.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't get fired into uncontrollable lust with such displays. Thirty two years of marriage to a beautiful woman, ten years living next to a nude beach, and (sigh) maybe even a slightly age-diminished testosterone level mean that a couple of mere bulges are not going to send me out killing wildebeests. Heck, in just a couple clicks on this computer I could reach a site that would fill my screen with the most gorgeous women in the world, totally displaying all their corporal morphology. Of course I don't do that. No, the problem is perception. That is… my perception of their perception of what my perception might be.

I'm talking about eye movement. Eye muscles are almost under involuntary control. Any large, bright, or uncommon object in the peripheral field can cause the eyes to snap involuntarily to that direction. I worry, lest that cause the lady displaying to think I am trying to drink up the view in a most boorish manner. To avoid the eye reflex I try to keep my eyes locked above her cheek bones and not allow any thought of what lies (or projects) at the bottom of my peripheral vision. This is easier said than done. There is a famous tale of an Indian businessman who admired a certain mystic for his ability to walk on water. Thinking such a trick could be useful in business, he asked the mystic to teach him how to walk on water. The mystic explained how he must follow certain discipline in diet, exercise, and meditation. Then the mystic said, "Oh, one more thing. You must not think of monkeys". From that moment on, every time the businessman even glimpsed water, his mind filled with monkeys racing to and fro. My monkeys are boobs. When I gaze at a displaying woman's cheek bones my mind keeps alarming, "Boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs" and in a split instant's lapse of control my eyes can snap down to the forbidden zone.

This isn't really too much of a problem with a Venezuelan woman. In fact you could probably gaze right at the forbidden zone and say, "Rrrrrow! You look splendid today" and she would be touched that you thought to compliment her in such a sweet manner. The problem is with gringo women who, inspired by the greater openness of the Venezuelan women, start to emulate them in dress. The gringo woman is unfortunately much more self conscious, even though she may be feeling deliciously naughty with her new freedom to display herself. This is apparent because with even one microsecond of involuntary eye snap on your part, she will begin nervously checking her top button and tugging her blouse up. Worse yet, the gringo woman often has a chip on her shoulder and is just waiting for a man to behave like…well…like a man, so she can be righteously disgusted.

This is my advice. Relax with the Venezuelan women. It will be OK. However, when you encounter a cup-runneth-over gringo woman, never look below her forehead so as to remove any perception of improper thought. Keep your conversation strictly to business. If you must compliment her, your compliments must be something like, "My, your hair looks very nice today" or "Those are beautiful earrings" or "Great shoes" or "You have lovely boob eyes…I mean blue eyes".

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Venezuelan People



I've been in Venezuela for nearly two years and I only have two and a half more months. I'll try to address conditions here in my next few posts for the benefit of friends or strangers who might consider coming here. This one is about the people. They're not so bad.

Venezuelans are stratified, perhaps polarized by economic class. There are what people call the rich, which includes the middle class, usually with higher education degrees and the truly rich (I don't know how they get that way; they don't talk to me about it.) Then there are the poor; some say two thirds of the population. They usually have enough to eat but not much more. They typically live in humble little clay tile houses with poor (or no) plumbing and often no glass in the windows. These habitations usually have a to-die-for (sometimes literally) view because they are often built as squatter houses on treacherously steep terrain. Unless I say otherwise, my comments pertain to rich and poor alike.

Venezuelans are patient, sweet, sociable, uninhibited, and they seem impervious to noise. They place a high value on family. (There are some exceptions to these virtues of course, which I will get to in a moment.) You will often even see adolescents being affectionate with their parents, e.g. walking arm in arm with their mother or grandmother. People of all ages congregate at dance venues and other popular hangouts. People greet each other warmly even in casual situations. Women greet everyone with a little kiss on the cheek. Men usually greet other men with warm handshakes and sometimes a jolly pat on the shoulder. They are, after all, men and appropriately homophobic.

Even the gentlest Venezuelans find their dark side when they get behind the wheel. They honk incessantly even at policemen who are directing traffic, jostle for position in intersections, drive all over the sidewalk and aggressively crowd into fully occupied lanes. Any pedestrian is fair game, even the elderly crossing on a walk light, burdened with 40 pounds of groceries. I experience this first hand! However, if you can make eye contact with the driver and hold up your hand as if pleading for your life, they will often spare your life without even honking. They try to keep you from making eye contact though by having heavily tinted windows. The strangest thing is pedestrians of all classes show total deference to motorists and never lift a middle finger salute or shout an expletive. Also motorist to motorist road rage is rare and hardly ever comes to more than fist shaking as these two women below my office window are doing.

Venezuelans proudly tell you they are not a racist society. True; there is no racial labeling here. Nearly everyone other than recent immigrants have at least a few snippets of African and/or indigenous DNA in their genome, which would make them a certifiable minority in the USA. The closest thing to racial classification is that people might use the term "indigenous" for people who have been very geographically and genetically isolated most of the last five centuries and very thoroughly retain their pre-Columbian culture and appearance. Though there is no racial labeling, the poor tend to have a higher proportion of darker people than the wealthy, but wealth trumps color. The concept of "politically correct" has not made big inroads here. I have heard stories of snooty nightclubs turning women away, bluntly telling them they are too dark or too fat.

The one homo-sapiens sub-species that seems to be totally missing here is the "redneck". You North Americans know the type I mean. For my Venezuelan friends I shall describe this sub-species. Long ago redneck was a derogatory term for farmer but now it is applied more often to unpleasant blue collar workers. Rednecks are brash, aggressive, undereducated, and financially over-extended on pickup trucks, motor-sports toys, and firearms. They have a good time when they're drinking (same as Venezuelans) but they often become belligerent or destructive when they've had too much. They tend to be patriotic to a ridiculous extreme and very politically and religiously conservative. They think they're funny and they like to show off. They are fond of aggressive bumper stickers that say things like, "This truck protected by Smith and Wesson" or depicting an impish little boy urinating on just about anything that intimidates them, which is just about everything but their own brand of pickup truck. They yell at their kids and whack them a lot. They take great pride in being stupider than average and their choicest bumper stickers say things like, "My kid just beat up your honor student." Their favorite icon is the Confederate flag (because they see themselves as rebels) even if they’ve never traveled southeast of Spokane, Washington and couldn't tell you in which century the United States civil war was fought. Consistent with their contrary nature, they study science in church and pray in school. Uh oh! I'm on a sidebar rant. Let me wrap up and say the good news for visitors to Venezuela is THEY DON'T HAVE ANY STINKIN' REDNECKS HERE!

Pickpockets and panhandlers are also rare. Criminals exist in sufficient quantities to require lots of walls, bars, razor wire, and electric fencing. However, they are mature and professional. It's a tribute to the Venezuelan character that there aren't more criminals because the police and judicial system are quite ineffective at capturing them and prosecuting them. If you cooperate, they usually don't shoot you or beat you up. They just point a gun at you, demand your money or, better yet, break into your house and take what they want without vandalizing the place.

Oh, I almost forgot. Outside of the President's railing tirades, they seem to really be OK with American's from the USA. Most of the movies in the theaters are Hollywood fare. People buy T-shirts made for the USA market with stupid slogans in English. In our international Las Mercedes neighborhood with the Finish, Bulgarian, and Russian embassies only blocks away and plenty of Venezuelans with German and Italian ancestry, we feel quite camouflaged. When we've been out in the country side, about the only evidence that we've been detected as Americans have been a few heavily accented English greetings like, "Hello Yankees" or "Hello Beautiful" (to my spouse and her Canadian amiga).

Now, let me tell you about the politics. No wait. That's too big and complicated. I'll save that for a later post if I have the energy. So that's it for now. I don't think I've offended any of my Venezuelan friends with this but I'll be extra especially careful in the future when I step out into the crosswalk with armloads of groceries.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Caracas Daybreak in the Rain


Today broke with swirling clouds followed by misting rain. Perhaps the overdue rainy season is finally here. I look forward to the afternoon thunderstorms. For now though it's just nice sitting out on the covered end of our balcony having our coffee and peanut butter toast breakfast while enjoying the light sprinkle.

We had a visitor to the balcony before we ventured out this morning. It was one of the brash chacalacas, a bird in the same order with chickens and turkeys. They greet the sun with a deafening squawk of "cha ca LA' ca". Our balcony is a very good bird viewing location.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Maid Day! Maid Day!

Today is maid day. This is good because it gets our house real clean for only about ten or twelve bucks. It is bad because I am always slightly uncomfortable with Maria (not her real name) flitting about and sweeping under my feet. That's because I'm totally unable to understand anything she says and vice versa, a) because I don't speak Spanish, and b) because she speaks a mile a minute. For an outsider to Spanish it might sound like I know some Spanish but it's only when we stick to the script. The script (as it sounds to me) and the translation are almost invariably as follows:
8:30 AM
Maria: Senor John, BlalalalalalalalalaCadaBlalalalala Translation: Mr. Johnny, I'm ready to go to Cada (the grocery store) Can you give me the money.
Johnny: Si (handing over BsF 70.00) Sufficiente? Translation: Yes. Is this enough?
Maria: Si. BlalalalalalalaLlavesLalalalala Translation: Yes. May I have the apartment key.
Jonnny: Si
Maria: Ciao
9:30 AM (A while after she arrives back from the grocery store)
Maria: Senor John, BlalalalalalalalalalalaLlaves? Translation: Mr. Johnny, did I remember to give back your keys?
Johnny: Uhhh, Si
10:00 AM
Maria: Senor John, BlalalalalalaComerAqui o la escuela con Senora Cati? Translation: Mr. Johnny, are you going to eat here or at the school with Mrs. Catherine?
Johnny: Si, aqui. Translation: Yes, here.
12:15 PM
Maria: Senor John, BlalalalalalaComidaLalalalala. Translation: Mr. Johnny, your lunch is ready.
Johnny: Oh, Si (Johnny eats lunch on balcony. Maria eats hers on the bar in the kitchen.)
12:35 PM
Johnny: Gracias! Es muy delicioso comida. Translation: Thank you. It very delicious food.
Maria: Tee heh Translation: Tee heh.
2:30 PM
Maria: Senor John, Blalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala. Translation: Mr. Johnny, I'm done and ready to go.
Johnny: Oh OK, (handing over BsF 50.00.) Hasta Viernes. Translation: See you Friday
Maria: BlalalalalalalalHuevesLalalalalaTeehehCiao. Translation: See you Thursday. Can't you ever get your days straight?! Tee heh. Bye
Johnny: Ciao Translation: Bye

That part is easy. The tough part is when we go off script, which is a couple of times per day. Today she asked me if she could bring her camera on Thursday for me to upload some pictures to my computer. I don't know why; I didn't know how to ask. She also wanted to know if she could take a shower before she went home because she had spilled some cooking oil on herself. That led to some considerable charades and confused communication. I won't even go there.

I know very little about this woman except she is a 26 year old Colombian, has a husband, a 4 year old son, and lives in La Guaira an hour's bus ride away near the airport. How does she make it on a two hour round trip to work for people for BsF 50 per day? Does her husband have a job? Does she live in one of the tiny clay brick huts, without window glass, clinging to a hillside in some dangerous barrio with poor or non-existant plumbing like so many of the poor people here? I'm poignantly aware that she is about the same age as my own daughter. Does she have aspirations for a better life? Is she happy to anticipate being a domestic for the rest of her life? What chances for a better life does her son have? I'd like to invite her to lunch with me on the balcony and tell me these things but of course I'd never understand a word she said. I found out today she likes coffee. I'm going to brew an extra cup in our pot each Tuesday and Thursday before she comes.