America’s top news issues are Covid and the presidential transition. An even more compelling news item in Asheville is what to do with the Zebulon Vance monument. A majority, myself included, agrees that we need to quit honoring old Zeb. He had a despicable history of defending slave ownership with continued racism after the civil war. We just can’t agree on what to do with his dad-blamed giant obelisk monument.
Hey, the solution is right before our eyes. Another hot current news item in America and beyond is the mysterious appearance of monoliths in remote places everywhere from Utah to Romania. So let’s have some fun. Remove all telltale inscriptions and haul Zeb’s monument to a remote spot beyond the news range of western NC and plant it in the ground. Then we can sit back and chortle over the theories that arise about its origins and purpose. I’m betting they will run about 50 – 50 between snoopy space aliens and a deep state antenna for transmitting 5G signals to alter election results.
It shouldn’t be hard to move. We can hitch it to one of those CH-53 Super Stallion Marine helicopters. Those suckers can lift 33 tons. Of course we’ll have to paint the chopper black, and snatch it up at 3:00 AM on a Sunday morning to maximize the conspiracy effect. Heck, the marines would probably welcome the opportunity for a special sneak attack training exercise.
