…was the title of a segment in Art Linkletter’s 1950’s TV show House Party. It’s true too. I was too busy to write down what my children said and now I’ve forgotten or garbled their best one-liners. Therefore I aim to transcribe my grandchildren’s quotes. At this time I only have two grandchildren Yaiza and Ayla. Only Ayla at two and a half is old enough to speak. But, already she says the darndest things.
Her most used line is “Don’t worry” which she pronounces, “Don’t woe-rie”. For example…
Me: Ayla if you run around with that sharp letter opener you might fall and accidentally stab it through your eye.
Ayla: Don’t worry.
On the day of her sister’s birth she was left in the care of her grandmother and me. I was about to step into the shower when I realized that I had forgotten to bring a towel to the bathroom. I didn’t bother dressing again to go out and find a towel, figuring that at two and a half my exposure wouldn’t even register with her. She tracked me walking all the way down the hall to the bedroom then called out, “I like your bummy Bapa.”
The next morning I emerged street legal with my shorts on, but no shirt, and sat down on the sofa to check E-mail. She ambled out with her Red Riding Hood book and sat down next to me. She looked up at me and the following exchange occurred.
Ayla: I like your boobies Bapa
Me (ready this time): Thank you Ayla. I like your boobies too.
Ayla: Thank you Bapa.
It all seemed to transpire like any perfectly ordinary exchange of pleasantries.
One day at dinner my wife served Ayla some broccoli. She responded, “Aaaaack!” Her mother said you shouldn’t talk that way to Grandma. You should politely say “No thank you Grandma; I don’t care for any”. Ayla responded sweetly, “No thank you Grandma; I don’t care for any”. At the next meal when we served her something she didn’t like she said (You guessed right) “Aaaaaack!”
The other day we phoned her mother. We could not hear what she was saying because Ayla was jabbering away in a strange voice. Her mother said that she was talking for her stuffed Teddy Bear and then said:
Mother: Ayla AYLA! Can you have Bear settle down now so I can hear Grandma and Bapa.
Ayla: No, sometimes Bear just does that.
Ayla is the world’s worst back seat driver. Her advice usually consists of, “Go Mama” or “Go Daddy” when we’re waiting at a red light. On one of these occasions I counseled her.
Me: Ayla, we have to wait until the light turns green because it’s the other cars’ turn to go now. If we don’t wait we might have a crash. We could be horribly injured with owies all over and have to go to the hospital in an ambulance.
Ayla: Don’t worry.
She may also be the world’s worst mycologist. She snatched a mushroom out of the ground and immediately started dissecting it during our nature walk last week. We exclaimed at how you should never pick mushrooms because some are deadly poisonous and she should put it down so we could wipe her hands good. She was reassuring.
Ayla: Don’t worry. Only white ones are poisonous.
